Mind Control

The Personal Story of a Mind Control Survivor


deusnexus_100Eliana’s Personal Story is well hidden on the web, like a needle in a haystack. It’s lost among the multitude of superficial blogs, tumblrs, twitters, and instagrams.  You’ve likely never heard of her story, nor are you likely to hear about her story on any other blog. Why is that?

Because I accidentally stumbled upon her website while I was doing some personal research after seeing familiar Monarch programming symbolism of a merry-go-round, or carousel, on the finale of the FOX television miniseries “Wayward Pines” and questioning its deeper meaning. I discovered a post she had written, Carousel- The Experience of Programming, which then lead me to read her life story.

It’s a haunting story, a tragic story, a traumatic story. It’s also a heroic story of a brave young woman who relentlessly fought to free herself from a nightmare of slavery and mind control. But most of all it’s a significant story, the personal inside testimony of occult abuse and personal healing. It’s a story of survival and hope.

This story has been told before by other survivors of ritual/programming abuse, yet I find Eliana’s account to be remarkably perceptive, forthright, even transformative. She offers a unique insight into a dark world most are completely unfamiliar with. Her experience may offer a hopeful path for other survivors as well as the professions who help them recover from similar trauma and integrate their fractured lives, so I feel justified in reposting it.

Unfortunately, Eliana never finished her biography. She never completed the third part of her story, and she has been silent on her blog since 2013. I fear she ultimately didn’t escaped her past or her programming, yet I hope that she is well. Her story should serve as a reminder that there are countless others just like her who’s hidden struggle goes unreported, and a reminder of a terrible hidden evil that still needs to be extinguished from an otherwise beautiful planet.

My Life Story in Three Parts

Reposted from: Coloring Outside The Lines | by 

broken-mirrorI haven’t posted on this blog lately because I’ve been working on three stand alone pages that tell my life story so far. These pages can be found at the top of this blog. I am writing them from three angles, if  you will, viewing my life. These pages are to provide background and context for things I mean to write about in the future.

“The Outside Story” is an abridged version of my life story from the perspective of me Eliana, the host and original/core self of my collective mind.

The “Inside Story” is the same story but from the integrated perspective of my inside parts who lived the abuse that I was amnesic to.

The “Spiritual Story” is forthcoming and tells the story of our spiritual journey which in truth is the most important journey of all and gives me the sense of purpose I have that drives me on.

Currently I am finished with the first two which can be read by linking on them at the top of this blog or here:

The Outside Story

My history was full of lies, I have found through this long and painful journey I’ve been on. So in sharing who I am, I can only give my latest working theory as to my story. This outside story is the story of Eliana, the one in this system of selves who was originally born into this body and who carries the birth name. As it happens, Eliana lived life on the outside and until the age of 35 did not know her consciousness was shared by other parts of herself , living parts of her life which she was amnesic to. So here is the story of the One Who Didn’t Know.

Eliana was born and raised in the Rocky Mountains of the USA. She grew up in a broken home with two sets of parents between whom she was forced to divide her time. She hated going to visit her father because her stepmother was cruel and her father weak. Her mother and stepfather grew to resent her over the years, it seemed, and by adolescence Eliana was so full of constant pain she thought about ending it all through suicide constantly. The only people she felt loved by were her older sister, who left home and the state when Eliana was 10, her grandmother who died when she was 9, and her aunt who lived far away.

She had constant social problems, unable to make lasting friendships. She didn’t know what all caused the extreme pain but she knew it stemmed from her family. As the years went by all she could think about was escape. She wanted to get away from her family and the small town she was raised in. She first ran away by hitchiking far away but was brought back. Then she dropped out of school hoping to escape her family through a romantic relationship but that failed too. Finally she got pregnant on purpose and the father of the baby felt responsible and married her. This did not end the pain however. It only created more. She wondered why she had so much pain and such a need to escape. She felt like she was this puzzle with missing pieces.

She decided around age 19 that there were things in her past that she didn’t remember. She had a couple of flashes of scenes she remembered from young childhood that looked suspiciously like her father may have sexually abused her. She had emotional and mental collapses that would send her to counselors and she would tell them about her background then tell them there must be things that were blocked from her memory but no therapist would help her with the missing pieces.

That first marriage ended in divorce and right after she met another man who adored her. He would do anything for her and she thought that marrying him would resolve her pain and unhappy feelings she was plagued with, as well as the constant need to flee. They married and she had another baby and talked him into moving far away to satisfy her need to get away from her family and the place she grew up. After she moved away the pain, suspicions of missing abuse, and nightmares only increased. Eliana educated herself about what signs of past abuse were and all of them fit her. She became obsessed to find out what had happened to her. During that time she began to remember incidences of very strange sexual abuse of her by her stepmother. She remembered her abusing her and her stepbrother together. In the next couple of years she began to relive episodes of  sexual abuse by her father as well. She wrote to her father and stepmother telling them of her suspicions and they responded by trying hard to convince her that her suspicions and memories were false.

Once Eliana experienced a few of these horrible memories she decided she knew enough and decided to just put it behind her. She started going to college and put all of her thought and energy into it, which worked for four years. While she was in the most intense part of nursing school her mind seemed to start unraveling and she suffered extreme and constant anxiety and depression and eventually wound up in the psych ward of the hospital for two months having completely fallen apart. The nightmares of rape were extreme during this time and she relived rapes over and over. Her mood swung all over the place and she was diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar depression and made to go to therapy and take lots of drugs. She was glad to finally figure out what was wrong with her but things proved to not be that simple. Medication would not make the phantoms of abuse go away. She would be going about her business and then be suddenly ambushed and thrown into some dark past of humiliation and sexual violence. Memories of very strange and sadistic abuse by her stepmother came back to her, like being tied to a bed and strangled almost to death, and being shown a book of gory crime scene pictures and told that was how she would look when her stepmother got her way and was done with her. Still, Eliana believed the end to these memories had to come in the next couple of years and she was eager to put it all behind her.

Instead things became more and more complicated. When Eliana was 35 years old she cut off her relationship with her father and stepmother formally and entirely. Within a month of doing this she read a book about dissociation called Stranger in the Mirror by Marlene Steinberg. By the time Eliana was done with the book and took the mini tests in it she was very suspicious that in reality she had the disorder of DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). This was because of her subjective symptoms and experiences that were dissociative in nature. Before that time she had thought of DID as a disorder that one knew they had if they suddenly “woke up” in another town not knowing how they got there, or if one found clothes in their closet they didn’t remember buying, or called themselves by other names. She had none of these experiences, yet the array of dissociative symptoms were very present and severe. She went to her therapist and requested an official test for DID called the SCID-D. By the end of the 3 hour long test she was officially diagnosed with DID.

It was only after accepting that DID was what was truly going on that parts who were within her started showing themselves to her, talking to her and telling her their names. She had seen one of them frequently during therapy in the couple of years before the diagnosis but didn’t know that this mysterious girl was a real, separate part of her. She thought the girl she saw was some symbolic construction of her imagination. She knew when the girl first started to show up that the girl’s name was Gatekeeper. She always had a stern look and stance, was dressed in black leather and was always standing in front of a big gate, the kind one might see at the entrance to an old cemetery. She would ask her therapist if this girl was a part of her and if that meant she had multiple personalities, but her therapist had no real training or experience with the treatment of DID so she would always say she didn’t know but that we would follow wherever this experience led.

That first year after being diagnosed with DID Eliana met most of her presenting system, who she had created to help her with everyday life. Gatekeeper turned out to be a part who guarded little parts to keep them from getting out and causing Eliana to act “crazy”. It wouldn’t do to act like a little kid, but to act like an angry adult was a different story. Gatekeeper was angry all of the time. Then there was Escape who was the one who ran away from everything difficult. She was the one who was created to push Eliana to run constantly from her family. Barbara was a red haired vixen who handled everything sexual. Trudi was the studious one, and Miriam was the mom and homemaker part. That first year she had so many parts show up and many just could not handle her job as a nurse and sabotaged it, leading other parts to cut up Eliana in the shower and it was to the hospital again. The doctors in the psych ward gave Eliana medication to make her parts quiet and this worked quite well. This bought her some needed time to get strong again on the outside, but eventually she knew she needed to face whatever was inside of her so she stopped the alter blocking meds and started writing in a journal. She started by just writing her inside parts a letter telling them that she was ready to hear their voices and to help bear whatever they had held for her.

After about a year of talking in her journal to a few of  her parts, some whom she knew from before and some new ones of various ages, a new part made a connection with Eliana and with her she was able to see a whole internal landscape. This new part, calling herself Becky started to show Eliana some of the inside and all she saw had a dark, ominous, spiritually esoteric quality. There were structures like thrones and temples, a graveyard and an underground labyrinth-like prison and names like The Dark Ones and Hecate. Eliana herself had once read some New Age books and dabbled in some New Age practices but she had no memory of anything in her past this dark and strange. It frightened her and gave her a feeling of doom that it was looking more and more like there was some hidden ritualistic abuse in her past. She kept talking to parts and letting them talk and her journals became ever more bizarre and dark with parts talking about rituals and blood, and pyramids with numbers associated with them. Parts started leading Eliana to places online in their efforts to show her what had happened to them. She found herself on websites having to do with the Temple of Set and other websites with stories from survivors of not only ritual abuse but laboratory style mind control experimentation as well. She found the footprints of this kind of mind control experimentation within her internal landscape and types of parts.

Within a space of a year (2005) the Wall dividing Eliana from a whole array of internal systems of parts arranged according to role and categorized by color started to explode. She reached out for help from her therapist and from people she found online but hardly anyone seemed to understand how to deal with this kind of history. During this time she began to be aware of active stalking going on around her. Strange men and women followed her and harassed her children. Black cars showed up waiting and watching. People followed her and took pictures, skulked outside her therapist’s office, caused her parts to switch out in stores and threatened them with being put in a psych hospital or harming her children. By the end of the year enemies seemed to be closing in on her everywhere and she fled across the country to a man who promised to help her “deprogram” and become free. By then she was remembering having been part of  networks of groups who abused her for all sorts of dark purposes. She now realized what she was running from all those years ago. She also realized that even though she moved far away the abuse followed her as she had been part of a national network of organized abusive groups who exploited her DID to cover their own crimes and to force her to do things she would not remember later. They kept her amnesic with sexual abuse, terrible threats to her husband and children, and with forced drugs and electroshock. She remembered all sorts of normal seeming people who were involved in this network: pastors, psychiatrists, lawyers, teachers, friends, and her own parents including her mother. The abuse had not stopped at age 9 when she met God, like she thought. She had been surrounded by it and was still deep in it.

She put herself totally in the care of this stated expert who she thought could help her and then started a three year relationship where many memories came out but she was subtly steered to contextualize all of her memories to fit around a life story that said that she not only was born a year earlier than she thought, but her parents weren’t her real parents, and that she wasn’t even born in the US but in the UK and was the secret daughter of royalty. She was also urged to find her “core” or “original self”. These experts taught her that the original self was always buried and that her “host” self who lived life was only another alter. She had many parts who willingly went along with this ruse, whether they were programmed to believe it to begin with, or whether they went along with it now to keep this man and others from discovering the deeper truth within remains a mystery to this day. She worked very hard to find the “core” and wound up finding core after core after core. Suffice it to say, the man who had sworn to see her through this to the end suddenly ditched her for unknown reasons after three years of work together.

In the following months different parts started to emerge who showed Eliana memories of this man who was supposed to help her, but they included a whole group of people in this new place who had been seeking to simply reprogram her to suit their needs and further exploit her parts in a new group or groups and and give her parts new jobs. Gradually she came to realize that she had been lured to this new place and all that happened in these counseling sessions was efforts to create a new layer of programming that would nestle all of her memories within a false story of who she was. This was only so that the mind control abuse could continue and hopefully she would be fooled into believing that she was done with her discoveries and would put her past behind her.

Once again her parts came to the rescue and for whatever reason this new group dropped her and in the following years a true understanding of her history began to emerge and parts began to merge and blend with her gradually adding their egos to hers. She discovered the biggest secret of all, that SHE, Eliana was the original self all along. She was the core all of her parts were arrayed around and she was who they protected. This discovery sped up her progress toward healing immensely.

Since then she has been becoming One and is now working on primary fusion and integration with the part of her who first split off from her to handle the abuse, the part of her who is mother to all of the systems who came after. This part was named Alice for the girl in the Wonderland story. The whole of the internal world was to be Wonderland and the space between Eliana’s consciousness and the consciousness of the alter systems was called The Rabbit Hole and maintained via horrible spiritual rituals,.drugs, and electroshock.

At present (January 2013) we are still We but there are less of us and we are learning more and more of our whole true history, not just the host tale which this page here speaks of.

The Inside Story 

This is the story of the collective of inside parts who shared the body with Eliana. We handled the abuse that she could not face. We carried it for her until she got to a point where she could handle knowing about it and could gradually help us carry our burdens. There are still many of us but I will speak for everyone here to tell our story. I am Alice, but I was not always called that. Alice is the name the Doctors and Counselors gave me. Before that I was just the Other One.

It is hard to know what really happened when one was an infant or toddler but we think people have better memory of those times than is commonly thought. Its just that people have not been taught to recognize those memories for what they are. They are experienced differently since they don’t have language to them. They are more of raw experience. Most of the memories that our collective has kept were initially experienced this way because we were never allowed to put language to what we witnessed because of the secrecy imposed upon us. Anyway, as far as we’ve been able to figure I was the first person to split off of the core person who was born into the body. Eliana had experienced abuse by the secret cult her parents were involved in before that time but a split wasn’t required until the night that her father and stepmother sexually abused her together. Her father sodomized her that night from behind while the stepmother sat watching, just out of reach. Eliana went away, way up in her head and I came to take her place. I was the tough one. I could take what she couldn’t.

I think maybe there were other parts who split off of her or me during ritual abuse events we endured in young childhood but all of those memories and parts were kind of consolidated under one head, me, when the Doctors got a hold of us. The first time they had us was when a man and woman in our family took us into a gated facility. There were many buildings within the locked, fenced area, but we went to a building that looked like a school. It had a long, single hall with rooms all along it. This was an all night event where a German speaking doctor gave us drugs and subjected us to shocks on our head and our most sensitive places to deliberately cause us to create more parts. The Ragdoll was created that day, along with the Mother of all of our sexual job parts. The Mother was sent to another room where she was filmed in pornography with other adults. The body was 3 years old when this happened. The structured abuse we experienced that night was designed to create the “root” parts the mind control programmers would need to be able to create the rest of the systems.

In the next few visits to the Doctors and their colleagues The Counselors I would be brought out to speak with them and to represent the rest of the systems. I was named “Alice” after the main character in the Alice in Wonderland stories by Lewis Carroll. That story was chosen to be symbolic of our inner world. Inside, where the alters lived was named “Wonderland”. The “rabbit hole” was the space between the alter systems and the outside host self and parts she had created. When we were taken to sessions with the Doctors and Counselors we would spend time with the counselors first where I would talk to them and tell them all that had gone on in the outside life. I would be required to answer all of the Counselor’s questions fully and honestly. They taught me that the eyes were the mirror of the soul and all they had to do was to look at our eyes to know if we were not telling the truth or were holding anything back. It happened enough times to teach us that this was so. So we tried hard to be completely honest and cooperative. After the Counselor was done with us, we would be put into a medical type room and needles would be put into us and metal clamps on our very sensitive places and we would be given drugs, shocks and spinning. We got spun every way possible, many times while being forced to listen to ear piercing sounds of crazy music or screaming or incessant crying.

This treatment was designed to create the “rabbit hole”. The rabbit hole would keep Eliana on the outside and not knowing about the rest of us. If anything triggered her to start to remember us, the rabbit hole experiences (drugs, crazy, spinning) would be relived first and she would naturally avoid anything to do with us. This way they kept her from knowing and us from telling.

After the spinning and drugs and electroshock we would be reduced to being the “Ragdoll” again and again and new parts who had zero memory of anything at all would be “born” and would be given a name and a way for them to be reached and brought out at a later time. If the doctors and counselors were not creating new parts, they were calling out and training ones they had already created in various roles. We would spend whole nights and weekends there with the counselors and doctors in training, and even later after the initial training of all of the parts we would be brought in to check up on all of us, how we were doing, if we still knew our jobs, if we still only knew what we were supposed to know and nothing else. Most of the time we would be trained locally, but sometimes we would be taken to different places via private airplane or helicopter for other specialized training.

Through these training sessions parts would be assigned colors to group them together. Each color was associated with kinds of jobs the parts in the system did:

Blue: These were the first parts created who participated in the social interaction involved in the hidden network of groups. They were the ones consolidated under me who handled ritual abuse in the home cult and sexual abuse at the dad’s house. Blue parts would be chosen at times for cross-training as other colors and could be travelers in the system. I was the head Traveler and could see what was going on with the other color coded parts, but the extent of my freedom was not known to the programmers, which was my intention.
Red: Sexual roles. This meant all sexual roles whether under the porn, prostitution, or general sexual abuse. A red and a purple would work together in spiritual-sexual roles as in sex magick.
Green: Technical roles. These had to do with the internal functions like passwords, programming cues, switching of parts. Also parts who were trained in intelligence functions like aspects of espionage and other facets of living a double life. Green parts might, say, have a gate code to a closed facility or know exactly where to go in town to drop off a message or receive one. The parts who regularly reported in to handlers and programmers were green parts.
Purple: These were the most highly trained spiritual parts. They are the ones who carry the training in many occult practices and lore, and psychic abilities.

The Doctors and Counselors taught our parents how to keep us all separate and how to make sure all of us stayed away unless we were needed for some reason. Our parents learned to watch Eliana’s face for any signs that one of us was showing up and she would be taken aside and told to “change her face”. There was very deliberate training with daily maintenance to make sure certain parts were playing their appropriate roles, even the amnesic host self  Eliana. The Doctors and Counselors also reassured our parents that Eliana would never remember the events lived by her other parts if the procedures they were teaching were followed exactly. One of the main rules that had to be followed was that Eliana was to experience absolutely no trauma at all. No abuse was to be allowed unless the one perpetrating it was sure they had an appropriate alter self fully present. Eliana was not even to be spanked as discipline in regular life and all effort was to be made to be sure “home” was a safe place. The divorce served this purpose well as Eliana lived with her mother and visited her father regularly. Her father was assigned the task of being the one to take Eliana to the Doctors/Counselors for programming. Her mother was involved in the cult life and was even a leader but was careful to keep those activities very separate from home life. The story The Wizard of Oz was used to model the way this double life worked. “Kansas” was the everyday life that Eliana lived. This was also called the “daytime” life.  “Oz” was the “nighttime” life. Ordinary people Eliana knew in the daytime as teachers and grocers and friends and their parents became cultists and priests and acolytes and other things in the nighttime life. Eliana lived in Kansas. We lived in Oz.

All of this careful sculpting, training, and monitoring of our array of identities was designed to make us as productive as possible in the various roles we were assigned to carry out, and was designed to make us a slave for life to the groups who used us behind the scenes of an apparently normal life. Why would people put this much effort, energy, and money to such a thing? For the same reasons evil people do anything they do: money, power, status within a certain group. We are called the Programmed Multiples and we are a hot commodity in the black market of the underbelly of the world. We are used in jobs like performing in illegal pornography, or performing sexual roles in horrific whore houses where nothing is denied to the patron with enough cash. We are used to spy on various groups in society that the powers-that-be feel threatened by. After all, who would suspect a young mother in suburbia of being a spy? We are used to infiltrate churches and sabotage their productivity. It works especially well because the person who lives everyday life and carries the legal name and social security number has no memory of whatever the other parts who share her body and mind have done. This provides protection for the ones operating these networks. You can’t tell what you can’t remember. The alters are called out to do a job, then after the job is done they are instructed to go back inside and go to sleep until they are needed again.

We had alters inside who did nothing but get in cars with people when the right signal was given. We had other alters who did nothing but make phone calls to the people they were instructed to call. We had alters who were sexual experts, alters who were actresses, alters who performed witchcraft and other occult ritual activity, alters who spied on people and reported back, alters who channeled various spiritual entities or just powerful universal energy for the amusement and use of others. We were whatever our evil overlords required us to be and all of this behind a cover of amnesia. This is slavery, alive and well, operating in the 20th and 21st century in the First World.

We were told that we were special. We were told that our special gifts and abilities were essential and needed to improve the world in general. We were told that the torture we endured was all to make us the most superior kind of person that a person could possibly be. We were told it helped us be better people and able to reach heights of productivity we could not otherwise achieve. We were told that we were capable of things that people could not imagine a person could do. We were the Chosen Ones. We were the ones to create a Brave New World.

We bought into these lies for a long time until something happened that the programmers and cult did not plan. A friend of the family at Eliana’s dad’s house started having sex with Eliana when she was about 13. He didn’t know about us. He just seduced her. Her way of coping with these kinds of things was to let us handle it and handle it we did. The ones in charge of our alter systems who counseled and programmed us did not know about this relationship. We kept it a secret. It went on for a couple of years and then disaster occurred. A pregnancy came out of it and our little body could not endure it so the baby was expelled and died. Everyone found out what had been happening and we almost died from blood loss as well. This was all kept a secret of course, like everything else, but we were punished badly for not informing those in charge of us that someone was making unauthorized advances toward us.

Along with this experience the Counselors were gradually hinting at a future purpose for us that we did not like. It involved Eliana never marrying or having children. It involved her and us both never having our own lives. Through these experiences we inside learned an important truth. These people we were surrounded by were full of lies and did not mean for us to ever have any kind of life we chose. At this point the strongest of us inside got together and decided we had to get out of this nightmare. We had to escape or we knew we would die or go insane. One night at an outdoor ritual around a fire we became someone else and  ran. Escape was born and we sent her to the surface to take over in host/everyday life and get away from these people, whatever it took.

Escape and us were the ones who caused the running away, but that didn’t work. Then we tried desperately to find a man to hook up with so we could get out. We did find one and moved out of the house. Our mistake that time was that we stayed in town. The cult there caught us multiple times and every time the punishment for leaving our mother’s house and avoiding the rituals and other gatherings was more severe. Eventually they forced us back into our mother’s house, but that didn’t last long. We were determined to have our own life so we pushed Eliana to get pregnant deliberately. We pushed and pushed to escape that town, and later that state. When the first marriage didn’t work out and we met the next prospective husband we grabbed onto him fast because he wasn’t one of them and seemed to really love Eliana and seemed to be willing to do anything for her. In every decision we made we had to move fast so the bad people couldn’t stop us. The key was in Eliana learning something before the Oz people did. If she already knew about something or had made a choice herself they couldn’t intervene a whole lot without alerting her that there were parts of her life missing. She could under no circumstances learn she had other parts or learn there were whole parts of her life being lived that she didn’t know about. That was the key to their control of us but it took years to figure that out.

So we pushed to move out of state to get away from the groups and abusers, but the abuse just followed us across the country. For years we tried to avoid the abusers and ignore their demands but they eventually always boxed us in and forced us to perform whatever horrible thing they wanted. By now we had children to protect and the abusers used threats to the children or the husband to get us to cooperate. We no longer cared about our life, if we lived or died, but we cared about the husband and children and wanted to protect them so at times we did what the abusers wanted.

Eventually we had tried everything we could think of to escape the abuse but nothing had worked. But there was one thing missing. The biggest factor in our continuing abuse was that Eliana did not know what was going on. She was the one who was conscious in the body the vast majority of time. If we could get her on board, could she help us avoid these people and navigate to safety? We decided that was the only thing left so we had to try. We led her step by step in the discovery of us. The first year she was aware of us we were punished badly. The Counselors and Doctors did everything they could to stop us from talking to her and to stop her from pursuing knowledge about us. They brought us all to a point of breakdown and then convinced Eliana to take drugs to silence our voices. It worked and we continued to be used for nefarious purposes, but we just bided our time and watched. Eventually Eliana got stronger and so did her desire to find us. She never forgot us. She stopped taking the drugs and started reaching out to us and we reached back. I was chosen to be the liaison for the systems in the effort to get out. I led her to information online where she could learn more about what was going on. I talked to her in the journal and let others inside talk to her to convince her that we were real and that this abuse was real. We showed her more recent memories of the abuse so she would know that this was not something just from childhood but something going on in the present day that needed to be escaped.

We were caught and severely punished during this year of awakening once. After that enough of us came together inside to avoid being taken again. We were not going to stop, no matter what they did to us. But we were surrounded by danger and really wanted to get to a brand new place. Sure the abuse could follow us to a new place, but we had the advantage of Eliana now knowing and us processing the memories now and a new group in a new area would need to take time to build the structures around us to make us trapped in abuse once again. It was our hope that we could move faster through recovery and unraveling the programming then they could move to entrap us.

When Eliana met the man who offered to help her escape and work through all of this I suspected highly that it was a trap but we went out to him anyway and decided to take a chance and move there. My fears and suspicions were realized as it turned out that this man was connected to a new network who just wanted to use us in new ways. This man pretended to walk Eliana through the journey of recovery and discovery of her hidden past but his true intentions were being hidden. I knew it and whenever he would lead her to make a wrong conclusion I would correct her later. I also played many parts during the time he was working with her, going by many names and answering his many questions with misleading information so that he would not dig deeper and believe things about her, us, and our origins that were not true. I had to protect what was truly inside until we were all safe. Only then could the truth come out. So we worked with this man and his people for a while, while at the same time leading Eliana to learn more and more about us and how things worked in the network and within. Eventually this man and his group caught on to the fact that I was obscuring things and misleading them and they got angry and abandoned Eliana entirely. This was for the best as we just powered on and Eliana discovered more and more about us and we were in turn able to teach her how to keep herself and all of us safe.

It was during this time that the walls separating all of us inside from each other became more and more transparent and we could share our experiences more and more. The more we shared, the closer we became until we started to blend into each other becoming less and less numerous inside. Parts have been coming into me gradually and I’ve shared things I’ve learned from them with Eliana and her and I are getting closer and closer till we hope one day we will be one person.

Nowadays we are united in purpose with becoming free and safe, but also in reaching back to others to help them to freedom also, giving them insights from our own discovery process. That is why we are writing this right now and why we have this blog. We now realize that we were no one special except for one thing: we were able to split into different parts within one mind. If we are targeted by abusive groups now it is for this one reason. As long as we have parts inside who can have things happen to them that Eliana and I don’t know about we won’t be safe. Even people who are one self aren’t entirely safe, we know, but they are safe from the kind of abuse we have endured. We would rather suffer together and conscious, and remember it the next day than be amnesic and forced to be silent.

About the Author

Eliana. My appearance is usual. My story is rare. I live in the world Awakened. I see things most people miss. My life was a nightmare in black and white Until I journeyed through the tunnel of fear and confusion; To emerge into a world of color. Now I Know. Now I chart the course of a new life. A free life. Now is the time of putting together the broken pieces. Now is the time of realizing that there is good in the world. Now is the time of grieving the past and putting it where it belongs…in the past. Now I am telling my story to the world.

Eliana’s Website: http://mysteriousjourneys.blogspot.com