Thoughts Of A Weary Starseed Human

deusnexus_100In connection to the last post, Fall in Love with Yourself, learning to love ourselves sometimes requires us to be brutally honest with ourselves, exposing our shadows, our doubts, the negative emotions we try and fail to push away.

Embracing ourselves fully as glorious spiritual beings living imperfect physical lives in a degraded physical world. Emotional honesty is often scary, yet so good for the soul. It wakes us up. It stirs something within to try to approach the same old problems differently. It opens doors for the heart that have been sealed shut. Emotional honesty can often serve to energize and empower us.

We are all tired, and we don’t wish to take this anymore. Let’s shout it from the rooftops. We want things to change, and we want them to begin to change NOW, in this very moment, because this moment is all we have.

“I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” speech from the 1976  film “Network”

Source: LOVE IN ACTION NOW | by Victoria

sad-angelLet me begin by saying I am uncomfortable using the term “starseed”.  It implies that I am somehow better than most other humans – that I am somehow more special.  Or needed.  However, I use the word nonetheless because for as long as I can remember in this particular incarnation in this particular physical vessel, I have felt like I belong somewhere else.  Even though I believe and feel I have lived many lifetimes on earth, I am in some way from another planet.  Over the years I have had the thought “Where I come from we don’t do that” – a thought I especially began to experience a couple of years back.  Just where is this “where?”

I have no idea.  But I do know I have lived elsewhere.  And I also feel I decided to leave my paradise behind (paradise compared to earth) and go on an adventure – that adventure being to liberate the people of earth from the darkness that took over many thousands of years ago.  Along with liberating the people was the agenda of bringing earth back into the Galactic Universe of other peaceful, paradise-like planets.  At the time, I was totally up for the challenge.  I felt I could handle it.

Today though is a different story.  In a nutshell, I am fucking weary.  I have come to this planet so many times to help awaken humanity.  With each previous life recall I had nothing but struggle.  I was attacked by a bear.  Got killed during a bloody battle.  Stoned for being out in public as a mix-raced young woman.  Drowned at sea attempting to escape an arranged marriage with a beast who only cared about money and power.  And in my previous incarnation, I was raped by a priest, forced into an abortion and died on the operating table.  So I feel pretty assuredly and strongly when I say that being human in third dimensional reality is fucking hell compared to the higher dimensional planet’s.

But I keep coming back.  I believe along the way I got trapped in the reincarnation loop, which I believe is simply another extension of the Matrix.  What a wickedly ugly brilliant system to keep us returning – load us up with false light telling us we must have a life review then return to even out our karmic debt – this following a lifetime of systemic brainwashing by schools and religions and government and culture and family and friends that ensures we are obedient to whoever the designated master is all but reassures a quick return to this reality.

Thankfully we the Starseeds began to remember just Who We Are again.  And we returned to this place for just one last show – one last chance – to awaken the masses- only this time, our brother and sister star families, along with the Sun and energies coming from the center of our own Galaxy – are helping us make sure we get it right.  In a nutshell, this is the last time we’re doing this show.  Our final appearance.

That being said however, this girl is tired of trying to awaken the masses.  I am fed the fuck up with sharing the truth from my heart only to be dismissed, ignored, abused.  I am no longer under any illusion that other dimensional beings, who are intent on keeping us enslaved and trapped in this bullshit most of us call the Matrix, have been working through other humans throughout this lifetime (if not my previous incarnations as well) to keep me down, afraid and silent.  For while in this incarnation it worked.  I was bullied and teased relentlessly as a child and except for my room, I had no safe place.  I had no one I trusted enough to share my heart, my fears.  I learned that when I did speak up, I was usually not believed.  Anxiety set in at a young age and by the time I was in my 20’s, panic and agoraphobia were more or less the norm.  There was a bonus to this though as working outside of my home was just not possible – at least for the long term.  This gave me plenty of extra time to think and be – alone – in silence.  It was during this time my inner voice found a place to speak.

And speak she did.  Wow!  Suddenly I was questioning everything.  Religion.  Politics.  School systems.  Culture.  I dove into books on Spirituality.  That was a good start – but it wasn’t enough.  I was remembering slowly Who I Really Am.  I became fascinated with the paranormal, metaphysics, ufo’s and aliens.  Along the way I took up past life regression and began having these experiences that felt completely real to my body.  Some of the memories were so traumatizing, my entire body would shake.  One experience left me in near hysterics where I literally went someplace else in my mind and memory space and once I had experienced enough, I “returned” to my physical body where I felt like a metal door literally slammed shut in my mind and the memory was immediately gone.

9/11 sparked my next level of awakening.  I even had a premonition of the event the day before.  It was only days after that I began questioning the story we were being told.  I shared my concern with those in my life, and it was then that I really saw how even family can turn against you when you awaken.  I got it in spades with politics, religion and social issues.

In time I realized I needed to get my word out to the public so I did what most of us do – I started a blog.  I kept it going for several years before life decided to bring me my beautiful child.  However, not even the awesome responsibility of being a mama could stop me from my pursuits of knowing the Truth.  All I can say is thank god for the internet for it has given so many of us not only the chance to share our message with a massive audience, but it has also allowed people like me (more or less introverted with travel issues) to have a voice in this Awakening/Ascension experience.

My energies to share kept up at a good pace.  I was able to, more or less, handle it when others would question me or dismiss me.  Having a social media page, I got used to people removing me from their little lists of “people i am such good friends with”.  Whatever.  Good way to weed out the wheat from the chaff.

However, I don’t know if it’s these energy waves coming in changing me, forcing me to deal with my own shit and purging or if it’s my age – or both – but wow – am I weary of this journey. I am weary of this “awakening the masses” shit I took upon myself.  I know what I want.  I have known what I want for myself, for my mate and now most importantly for my child and I want it NOW instead of later.

“Be patient,” we are told – quite often by channelers of higher dimensional beings who have no fucking CLUE what it’s like to live on this planet in these bodies.  Patient?  Really?  When we have been coming to this planet for thousands of years we are being told to be patient?  Talk about false light matrix bullshit.

I want to know where these star families are.  It isn’t enough anymore that I have seen their ships or had dreams and experiences of being with them.  IT  ISN’T  ENOUGH.  Not anymore.  I have read where we must ALL rise together to the new earth.

Why?  Sorry but at this point if you are not awakened – no – if you are UNWILLING to awaken with all of the insanity and chaos and lies and corruption played out every damn day for all to see – then guess what?  You can stay behind.

It’s like I and those of you like me have been on a very very very long road trip and at the very least we want a vacation, at the most we want the finish line.  We DESERVE that.  We have done work most aren’t strong enough to handle.  We have risked our reputations, relationships, finances and the like to bring our messages here.  And again (signaling the choir) – WE ARE TIRED AND DONE.

Let us manifest this paradise on earth now.  We can do it.  Let us stop focusing so much of our energies in sharing our messages with the masses and instead focus on what we want and KNOW we can have it. NOW.  Thoughts create, right?  And these energies coming in are said to help us manifest “faster”.  Let’s stop falling for this “we must be patient” chanting.  You know the saying – unless you are walking in my shoes you cannot tell me how to think/feel/believe/do.  We aren’t children, after all.

I feel many of you can relate to this.  I think even though most of us seem to be scattered throughout the planet (this sucks at times doesn’t it?), I also believe energetically we can feel each other.  So let’s join together.  We can do this.

Are you with me?


I realize this piece was like listening in to a counseling session or reading the private pages of a personal journal.  I wrote it to not only share my feelings of how truly tired and weary I am much of the time these days, but to also validate the feelings I know many of you are feeling.  In my quiet times, I still feel that love for humanity.  I still have moments where I want to share my Truth (although that is waning – obviously).  I feel the pain of our sufferings.  I want ALL of us to awaken and rise together.  But life keeps showing me this isn’t necessarily going to be the case.  I do not want my precious child to experience the same world I and her daddy have.  All of the little ones deserve so much better – we all do.  It is long past time for each one of us to not only have this feeling on occasion but to hold it in our hearts daily and walk that inner talk.



19 thoughts on “Thoughts Of A Weary Starseed Human

  1. What Jesus said to me I say to you, “Come to Me you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest” I did and He came to me and He did and now I do! 🙂 There is a way to live in this world but not be of it!

  2. Well said! I totally relate. I too am exhausted with all the bullshit. I have been searching for the truth for 50 years now. Every time I think I have found it, it changes. I’m done trying to wake people up! I no longer have the energy to keep on bashing my head against a brick wall and am taking on the role of observer. Those of us that have been at this for so long have become cynical and distrustful, we no longer believe all the promises of ‘soon, be patient’. We all just want to go home!

  3. Thanks for voicing what is in my heart. I am tired, weary, demoralized, and waiting. I see what needs to be done, I spent the day substituting in a public school special ed room, and am so sick of the power/control bull shit forced on us. The children are being programmed, just like we were. I need to change this! I love humanity, I don’t want to leave them, I know the loneliness, I can’t let that happen to them. I already made my choice, if/when I come back I will be in spirit form. This body/human 3D thing SUCKS! I will not let them be alone. I have the fear that I read above, in 50 years I will still be waiting. I CAN’T. I WON’T.

  4. I do so resonate with this article and so needed this tonight, as in dialogue with other awakened ones I have been getting the feeling that being honest about how tired and weary I feel is being seen as being negative and not helping to bring the light into our collective conciousness etc. I am tired of people even in the awakened community being so dismissive of my very real feelings and I do not see any light in denying your true feelings. I too have been at it for a very long time family, friends all think I am a nutjob for believing what I do, so like most of you here I too have given up trying to talk to others in order to help awaken them coz all it does is get you rejected and dismissed, no doubt all by design in this 3D Matrix, and yes it does Suck entirely. Janice from the UK

  5. Oh dear Victoria!!!. What a nice soul!!!! As you say, we are scattered throughout the planet. I write you from South America. For several years I have been feeling exactly what you feel. I do not want to be part of this 3D world any more. I’m tired. Maybe if we connect with our Divine Essence, He/She will give us the strength for this to be our last incarnation. And what ever has to happen, let it happen. Acceptance!!!!

  6. Pingback: Transitioning From 3D Doing To 5D Being And Creating | Deus Nexus

  7. Thank you for that! Its good to know I’m now the only one sick of everything! Cant trust not even in my dreams lately! I’m ready!

  8. my experience with people who claim to enlightened has been that they translate that to being superior, which is very sad. so i was hesitant to post, but the questions that have driven me my whole life can’t wait. the first being how did you know you were a starseed? my earliest memories involve both having a responsibility to do something i can’t quite remember and deep feeling of not belonging here. any help would be appreciated.

    • I cannot speak for the author of this post, Victoria, however I share the same feelings that you describe of “having a responsibility to do something i can’t quite remember and deep feeling of not belonging here.” I consider myself a Starseed, or Wanderer, because of my positive childhood experiences with extraterrestrial beings, the intense feelings of ‘family’ that came with those experiences, as well as a childhood impression that this planet is not my home of origin, that I was born into this world for some elusive purpose. Growing up, I tried to put aside what I believed to be nothing more than childhood imaginiation, yet I alwayed experienced that same sense of alienation and confustion. However, once I began the process of awakening, the confusion began to dissipate. Enlightenment is a process of spiritual awakening, unlearning, and remembering. I wouldn’t claim that I am enlightened, just that unlike most people around me, I am on a personal spiritual journey. It’s not the easy path. I would also add that Starseed is just a word, created to explain something that is unexplainable. If it comforts you to call yourself a Starseed, if it allows you to return to a loving relationship with your spiritual self, then claim the word. However, using the word Starseed to separate or elevate oneself would be the opposite path of Spiritual Enlightenment. We may have different places of origin, but we are all the same in Spirit. Those are my thoughts. I hope they help you.

      • Hello Deus Nexus, Hope you are well.

        I have been going through your article and I must say it’s quite intriguing. You speak of things so outside this world. You mentioned of childhood experiences with ETs, Can you perhaps share a little more on these experiences?

      • Perhaps I shall write a post on the subject as I have had some recent revelations about the contacts in my childhood that may be of some value to share. However, I fictionalized the nature and meaning of my encounters in my novel series, Season of the Serpent. You can learn more here.

      • Oh I have been away for so long. Now am Christian if I may start there and am honestly scared that the beings you are relating with, that they don’t mean good for you but are out to steal, kill and destroy your very soul. To an extent you are no longer are satisfied in life, or believe you can find true joy in this life. Are you not scared?

      • Yes, there are good ones, what you might call ‘angelic’ and there are bad ones, what you might call ‘demonic’ and as a child I had an experience with both. There is also a wide spectrum in between.

        As Wes Penre states:
        “We are all individuals, and all of us are both friendly and unfriendly at the same time. ETs are not different from us in that respect. We need, once and for all, to get rid of the labels “good” and “bad” aliens. There are no such things; only different imperatives. All species want to survive as a biokind (physical body) and biomind (body/mind) if they are physical beings; however, as a group they may have imperatives that are counter-survival to our own human collective, and we call that “bad” or “evil”, but from their point of view it may be a way to survive. And in all species, except for those in the “hive mind” category, there are good and bad people, generally speaking.”

      • Any direct form of contact was brief and ended in childhood. I would have to write a lengthy post to explain why it likely ended. However, I still sense some form of indirect contact from positive beings and interference from negative beings, just as anyone can who is open and observant of their own thoughts and emotions.

      • Well then the question of God, have you answered that question of his existence? Do you believe in his existence and as such have you maybe made these request to him and told him how you are restless down here on earth.

      • While I feel no requirement to state my personal beliefs, I understand that occasionally Christians visit this blog, and that they may not agree with everything posted here, which is fine.

        As I have posted before, this is not a Christian blog, nor do I consider myself a traditional Christian. I consider myself more of a Gnostic Christian, not because I follow ancient Gnostic beliefs, but because Gnostic beliefs more accurately represent my own evolving understanding of the Universe. I also believe in the redemptive message of Jesus Christ, thus I use the term Gnostic Christian. I intentionally draw a distinction between the word ‘redemptive’ verses the word ‘salvation.’ I don’t believe that anyone needs to be saved, but I believe in the healing power of redemptive love.

        Yes, I believe in God. I do not believe in an Old Testament god. I do not believe in a divine, externalized, anthropomorphic, authority figure. I believe a jealous god is a false god. I believe that the New Testament is a much better representation of God’s nature. I believe that God is a Universal Whole and that we are all integral, eternal aspects of this Whole (even the souls that live in darkness). I believe that there is only one consciousness in this vast multiverse, and that we are self-conscious fractals of it.

        The point of this particular post was not to demonstrate or advocate a lack of faith. The point of this post is to advocate emotional honesty as a healthy path back to personal faith. If we are tired, we need to admit to ourselves that we are tired, and then learn to rest and recover. We need to honor our limitations and learn to integrate our darker emotions… a season for all things under the sun.

        Even Christ said, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” Luke 22:42. In his darkest hour, Christ acknowledged his own human doubt and weakness, and thus he was able to surrender to a deeper trust. Is this not where humanity finds itself at this moment in history, on the brink of societal death and resurrection?

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